is there anything more dreadful than an obligation to be obligated to something and you have no idea why you are even obligated in the first place anymore, or alternatively, you can barely even remember what it felt like when you initially obligated? thats how i feel right about now and have been for about 10 days or so.

morose i dont think is really fitting here, but something close to the 'feeling' of moroseness without being too damned pretentious about the whole damn thing.

inside the whirlwind
the eye is quiet
yet it seems loud

the noise
is
cluttering
and
fucking up the whole damned
listening part

anyway, so thats how im feeling about now... like im inside the epicenter of the whirlwind, if there even is such a place, and everywhere i go i am kind of like pigpen with his dustcloud except mine is not just a clould of dirt, although it might as well be... im not even sure if semantics is really what it is at this point, but it is rather getting to be a pain in the ass.

mutation

radiation

what choo gonna do? about your ass?

talking about... nuclear war

maybe sun ra had it right, and maybe im just looking for answers that i think are somewhere else besides right at my feet. i think ive seen this movie before and possibly starred in it.