6.23 tue off

6.24 wed ran 9 miles = 1:58 Awesome!

6.25 thur 1 hour yardwork

6.26 fri ran 9 miles = 1:46 Deliciousness!!!

6.27 sat 1 hour yardwork

6.28 sun ran 6 miles

6.29 mon ran 6 miles

6.30 tue ran 6 miles

7.1 wed off

7.2 thur ran 6 miles

7.3 fri off

7.4 sat ran 6 miles

7.5 sun ran 6 miles

7.6 mon off

7.7. tue ran 6 miles

7.8 wed ran 5.5 miles

7.9 thur off

7.10 fri ran 6 miles

7.11 sat ran 8 miles

7.12 sun off

7.13 mon off

7.14 tues ran 6 miles

7.15 wed off

7.16 thur ran 2.25 miles

7.17 fri ran 4.5 miles

7.18 sat off - 1 hr yardwork

7.19 sun ran 2.25 miles

7.20 mon off - 1 hr yardwork

7.21 tue ran 4 miles

7.22 wed ran 6 miles

7.23 thur ran 5 miles

7.25 fri off

7.26 sat ran 6 miles

7.27 sun off - 1 hr yardwork

7.28 mon ran 6 miles

The challenge of being who you think you should be is a formidable one.

Rather than getting caught up in whether or not this is a tenable goal, I wonder if it might be worth investigating whether or not this is even a challenge.

I mean, you are who you are, aren't you? And if you really think you should be some other kind of way or some other kind of person, you would probably work very hard to get to that 'place' even though we all know that there is no such place.

It is this very getting caught up in the moment of things that continually drives my engine and maybe just for fucking once I could just see through the superstructure and realize that the only challenge that I am pursuing is a complete fiction in every sense of the word.

I hope this reminds me to have gratitude for what is and to be more dispassionate about what is not.

5.4 mon ran 6 miles

5.5 tue biked 8.5 miles

5.6 wed ran 6 miles

5.7 thur ran 6 miles

5.8 fri off

5.9 sat ran 7 miles

5.10 sun ran 6 miles

5.11 mon ran 6 miles

5.12 tue ran 6 miles

5.13 wed biked 9 miles

5.14 thur ran 9 miles awesome

5.15 fri biked 15.75 miles

5.16 sat off

5.17 sun ran 4.5 miles no legs

5.18 mon ran 6 miles

5.19 tue ran 6 miles

5.20 wed off

5.21 thur ran 6 miles

5.22 fri ran 6 miles

5.23 sat ran 6 miles

5.24 sun off

5.25 mon ran 6 miles

5.26 tue ran 6 miles early

5.27 wed ran 6 miles @ 11pm - tight!!!

5.28 thur off

5.29 fri off

5.30 sat ran 6 miles

5.31 sun ran 6 miles

6.1 mon ran 6 miles

6.2 tue off

6.3 wed ran 6 miles

6.4 thur ran 6 miles

6.5 fri ran 6 miles

6.6 sat off

6.7 sun ran 6 miles

6.8 mon ran 6 miles

6.9 tue danced all night

6.10 wed danced all night

6.11 thur ran 6 miles

6.12 fri ran 6 miles + armweights

6.13 sat ran 2 miles

6.14 sun ran 6 miles + 1 1/2 hour yardwork

6.15 mon ran 6 miles +legweights

6.16 tue walked 3.5 miles

6.17 wed yardwork 1.5 hours

6.18 thur ran 6 miles

6.19 fri ran 6 miles

6.20 sat legweights off

6.21 sun ran 6 miles + armweights

6.22 mon ran 6 miles

Bouncing up and down in the back of the pickup truck
I can see thru the haze in the distance
The shaddowy billows of transient existence
Carved in granite
In accidental imperfection

At first glance
They seem
so
Knowing

the measuring stick
changes
over time
and ultimately
the meaning
of the
measurement
itself
means less
and
less

far too little time
spent on the what is

and

too much time
spent on the what isnt

i like focusing
on
the what is
better

2.17 tue ran 6 miles

2.18 wed off

2.19 thur ran 6 miles

2.20 fri off

2.21 sat ran 5 miles

2.22 sun off

2.23 mon ran 6 miles

2.24 tue off

2.25 wed ran 4.5 miles

2.26 thurs off

2.27 fri ran 6 miles

2.28 ran 6 miles

3.1 sun off

3.2 mon ran 6 miles

3.3 tue off

3.4 wed ran 6 miles

3.5 thur off

3.6 fri ran 6 miles

3.7 sat off

3.8 Sun Ran 6 Miles

3.9 Mon Off

3.10 Tue Ran 2 miles taper

3.11 Wed Off

3.12 Thur Ran 2 miles taper

3.13 Fri Off

3.14 Sat Off

3.15 Sun Ran 10 mile race 1:57:33

3.16 Mon Off

3.17 Tue Off

3.18 Wed Ran 2 miles

3.19 Thur Off

3.20 Fri Ran 4.5 Miles

3.21 Sat off

3.22 Sun Ran 6 Miles

3.23 Mon Off

3.24 Tue Ran 6 miles

3.25 Wed Off

3.26 Thur Ran 6 miles

3.27 Fri Ran 6 miles

3.28 Sat Off

3.29 Sunday Ran 6 miles

3.30 Monday off

3.31 Tuesday Ran 6 miles

4.1 Wednesday off

4.2 Thurs ran 6 miles

4.3 fri off

4.4 sat ran 7.5 miles in 82 mins

4.5 sun off

4.6 mon ran 5.25 miles super hot

4.7 tue ran 5 miles easy

4.8 wed off

4.9 thurs ran 6.2 super yumtastic run in lake mary

4.10 fri off

4.11 sat off

4.12 sun ran 6 miles

4.13 mon off

4.14 tue ran 4 miles super hot

4.15 wed off

4.16 thurs ran 6 miles superfast 66 mins

4.17 fri off

4.18 sat ran 6 miles

4.19 sun off

4.20 mon ran 4.5 miles

4.21 tue ran 6 miles beautiful early am

4.22 wed ran 6 miles eve

4.23 thur off

4.24 fri ran 6 miles

4.25 sat ran 6 miles

4.26 sun ran 9 miles

4.27 mon off

4.28 tue ran 4.25 miles

4.29 wed ran 7 miles

4.30 thur ran 7 miles

5.1 fri off

5.2 sat ran 6 miles

5.3 sun ran 6 miles

At our core
of no self
is the self
or so i heard

*This is going nowhere fast, and the connections have not yet fully been articulated, but this is my stream of conciousness. I think it is going to continue to go nowhere fast and like all poor writing, just meanders without really getting to the crux of it... but for now... this is where is my head is at

-----------------------------------



When the inspiration moves us ‘brightly,’ as Jerry Garcia would say, the whole paradigm shifts.

In my lifetime, there have been millions of people self governed by the ideation about what they should be doing. What car they should purchase, what job they should be pursuing, what schools their children should be going to, and the like. Yet all of these things are complete illusions based on false notions of expectation that have shaped our realities from day one.

The emotional investments we make in our dramas are much like the seeds we plant in the soil for future cultivation. Many of us think that we are planting orange seeds when in fact apples always grow. Some of us don’t feel like we are even on the farm, yet a growing season still exists each year. Others may feel that they are planting unworthy seeds only to have the harvest yield bountiful but unrecognizable fruits. In some sense, this repetitive process could be described as delusional but there can be no doubt about it that this has been our methodology for moving thru space and time.

In a sense, we are all habitual input machines. Inputs are stored in our CPUs and later accessed during recall sessions and critical decision making moments. It is our very habits that have been both the source of comfort in our routines as well as the fodder for an unexpected yield. Perhaps a closer look at our expectations might reveal something substantial about the world in which we navigate.

Where is the seed of the expectation? What is at the heart of every expectation is an emotional response. We are all looking in some ways for fulfillment and sometimes the pursuit of these expectations by others leave us with more questions than answers.

Perhaps Pavlov was correct and we are all dogs waiting for the bell to ring so that we can salivate on cue. What happens more often than perhaps we care to admit is that while our initial reaction is habituated, it is also predicated on false pretenses, because our expectations have collectively led to disappointment, discouragement, and doubt.

I do not know if disappointment, discouragement and doubt are things that we should avoid, but they seem like so many of the things that we actually do try to avoid. Yet, It is the very crux of disappointment, the face of discouragement, and the Bardo of doubt that truly and reflectively shapes our experience and future expectations.

We have the power to ‘light the song,’ yet we continually extinguish the flame before the song is ever played. Many of us are trying to listen for the secret and search for the sound but our listening itself is shaped by the expectations we have of the music not yet played.

12.15 mon ran 6 miles 66 mins hot n fast

12.16 tue ran 6 miles 72 mins

12.17 wed ran 6 miles slow 75 mins

12.18 thur ran 6 miles 67 mins fast could do more

12.19 fri ran 6 miles hot at 1030 am. 68 mins and struggled in 2nd half

12.20 sat ran 6 miles 69 mins

12.21 sun off

12.22 mon ran 2.25 miles sprint full speed- felt knee act weird, walked back 2.5 miles

12.23 tue ran 3 miles easy

12.24 wed ran 5 miles - no real pain 72 mins

12.25 thur ran 6 miles - 69 mins

12.26 fri ran 6 miles - 72 mins

12.27 sat ran 6 miles - 67 mins

12.28 sun ran 6 miles - 71 mins

12.29 mon ran 6 miles - 72 mins

12.30 tue walked 5.5 miles easy

12.31 wed ran 6 miles - 64 mins fast with no stops and no pushing it
ran 124 miles in december


1.1.09 thur ran 6 miles

1.2. fri ran 6 miles

1.3 sat ran 6 miles

1,4 sun off

1.5 mon ran 6 miles

1.6 tue ran 6 miles

1.7 wed walked 5 miles

1.8 thur ran 4.5 miles

1.9 fri off

1.10 sat ran 5 miles

1.11 sun ran 5 miles

1.12 mon ran 6 miles

1.13 tues ran 6 miles

1.14 wed off

1.15 thur off

1.16 fri jogged 1 mile

1.17 sat walked 3 miles, biked 3 miles

1.18 sun off

1.19 mon ran 2.5 miles

1.20 tue off

1.21 wed off

1.22 thur ran 2.5 miles

1.23 fri ran 3 miles

1.24 sat off

1.25 sun ran 3.5 miles

1.26 mon off

1.27 tue ran 4.5 miles

1.28 wed off

1.29 thur ran 3.5 miles

1.30 fri off

1.31 sat ran 3 miles

1.31 sun ran 4 miles

2.1 mon ran 3.5 miles

2.2 tues ran 4.5 miles

2.3 wed off

2.4 thur ran 6 miles

2.5 fri off

2.7 sat ran 6 miles

2.8 sun off

2.9 mon ran 6 miles

2.10 tues ran 6 miles

2.11 wed ran 4.5 miles

2.12 thur off

2.13 fri ran 6 miles

2.14 sat off

2.15 sun ran 6 miles

2.16 mon biked 7 miles