i truly enjoy exercising first thing in the morning. yesterday i had to sit around and wait for the cable guy and didnt get to do my thing until later and it really fucked me up. this am i was able to get out early and hike along a really terrific spot on the beach at the state park. the tide was low and i was able to walk on the creek side of the dunes only getting my foot wet from time to time. it was beautiful calm and serene out there and i truly loved it.

im still trying to be patient and i guess i am being patient for the good things that are coming my way. it has been nearly 2 weeks since i submitted the apps for the jobs im interested in and i think that maybe this week i will hear something either way. this friday im heading out to see a kickass show - the heavy pets and the bendy pastorius group at the culture room. this week should be a good one as i have testing in the public school during the early part of the week, and then friday is a workday which probably means sign in and out and get some good biking or hiking in somewhere. the following week is a short week as friday is the first day of a 10 day spring break. im stoked and ready for a good time

on march 31, the first monday of the break i need to go back and have another endoscopy. they are putting me under and i kind of look forward to that suspended state of animation. last time when i woke up i could hear neil young's 'down by the river' gushing out of my ears. i also swore that i could hear the doctor talking saying 'lets do this before he wakes up' and actually 'felt' or rather 'observed' from an out of body perspective the entire procedure. the only downer was that my brain felt a little fuzzy for a few days and i could not remember how to set the alarm inside the house... it was kinda weird but ok.

so writing again has been very liberating and i always wonder why i dont do it more. its kind of like confessional that nobody cares about but me and im glad the words and forum are here to serve as a good reminder about where my head is at. i think over the last 20 years, lots of things have changed since i started writing off and on but mostly nothing has really changed when it comes down to some of my core issues; achievement and self worth/self loathing. i think ive just come to deal with these things better.

in good news, my kids appear to be doing great and are healthy. my wife and i seem to be getting along alright and i just hope the good vibe continues