that old familiar black fuzzy cloud has crept back in again and it seemingly has kept me from my best self. it is almost at times like i feel i have to go down to the depths of despair in order to pull it all out again and tell myself that its all really all right. and i guess it is in the larger sense, especially with all of the mindless and souless activity that i see out there in the world. but there is also the wonderful reminder of the gentle kiss of my daughter, or the way my son's eyes shine when he is having that special moment with me as he tells me about his ball game. my wife always seems to sense these epsiodes and really is good about giving me the space that i think i need to just go thru it all. in short, even when the sky is about to fall and crumble into a billion pieces, optimism always seems to lurk around every corner.

so ive still heard nothing about the jobs ive applied for. nada. zip. and neither has my wife which has made things just downright fucking creepy. it just totally wierds me out that peeps just cant fucking make a decision and tell you one way or another. but maybe there are forces going on that i dont even know about. it is really easy to jump to conclusions when you have an emotional investment in the outcome.

and to be honest, perception seems to be at the wheel of the bus these days. judgment #498 here i come....so what do i need to do to get myself back on track and away from the fuzzy green ball of light that is the dark cloud of depression.