its amazing how easy it is to spot the deficiencies in myself. often times i find myself so very far from where i think i should be and i guess in a way if i should really be somewhere else then i would be there. i find it just plain old silly sometimes how much i chronically am chronically stuck in the mud and wondering how the fuck i got here.

it really is all relative cause when the sun is shining you could be thinking 'oh wow... this is truly a gift of a day' or you could be sulking in the corner wondering 'why me...poor me.'

it is in one of these moments where i can conciously become aware of my self destructive behavior and yet i am doomed to repeat it like a broken record. when i feel down down down there is just no end to the poor choices or the meta analysis of the poor choices that i seem to make.