Tuesday, July 28, 2009

6.23 tue off

6.24 wed ran 9 miles = 1:58 Awesome!

6.25 thur 1 hour yardwork

6.26 fri ran 9 miles = 1:46 Deliciousness!!!

6.27 sat 1 hour yardwork

6.28 sun ran 6 miles

6.29 mon ran 6 miles

6.30 tue ran 6 miles

7.1 wed off

7.2 thur ran 6 miles

7.3 fri off

7.4 sat ran 6 miles

7.5 sun ran 6 miles

7.6 mon off

7.7. tue ran 6 miles

7.8 wed ran 5.5 miles

7.9 thur off

7.10 fri ran 6 miles

7.11 sat ran 8 miles

7.12 sun off

7.13 mon off

7.14 tues ran 6 miles

7.15 wed off

7.16 thur ran 2.25 miles

7.17 fri ran 4.5 miles

7.18 sat off - 1 hr yardwork

7.19 sun ran 2.25 miles

7.20 mon off - 1 hr yardwork

7.21 tue ran 4 miles

7.22 wed ran 6 miles

7.23 thur ran 5 miles

7.25 fri off

7.26 sat ran 6 miles

7.27 sun off - 1 hr yardwork

7.28 mon ran 6 miles
The challenge of being who you think you should be is a formidable one.

Rather than getting caught up in whether or not this is a tenable goal, I wonder if it might be worth investigating whether or not this is even a challenge.

I mean, you are who you are, aren't you? And if you really think you should be some other kind of way or some other kind of person, you would probably work very hard to get to that 'place' even though we all know that there is no such place.

It is this very getting caught up in the moment of things that continually drives my engine and maybe just for fucking once I could just see through the superstructure and realize that the only challenge that I am pursuing is a complete fiction in every sense of the word.

I hope this reminds me to have gratitude for what is and to be more dispassionate about what is not.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

5.4 mon ran 6 miles

5.5 tue biked 8.5 miles

5.6 wed ran 6 miles

5.7 thur ran 6 miles

5.8 fri off

5.9 sat ran 7 miles

5.10 sun ran 6 miles

5.11 mon ran 6 miles

5.12 tue ran 6 miles

5.13 wed biked 9 miles

5.14 thur ran 9 miles awesome

5.15 fri biked 15.75 miles

5.16 sat off

5.17 sun ran 4.5 miles no legs

5.18 mon ran 6 miles

5.19 tue ran 6 miles

5.20 wed off

5.21 thur ran 6 miles

5.22 fri ran 6 miles

5.23 sat ran 6 miles

5.24 sun off

5.25 mon ran 6 miles

5.26 tue ran 6 miles early

5.27 wed ran 6 miles @ 11pm - tight!!!

5.28 thur off

5.29 fri off

5.30 sat ran 6 miles

5.31 sun ran 6 miles

6.1 mon ran 6 miles

6.2 tue off

6.3 wed ran 6 miles

6.4 thur ran 6 miles

6.5 fri ran 6 miles

6.6 sat off

6.7 sun ran 6 miles

6.8 mon ran 6 miles

6.9 tue danced all night

6.10 wed danced all night

6.11 thur ran 6 miles

6.12 fri ran 6 miles + armweights

6.13 sat ran 2 miles

6.14 sun ran 6 miles + 1 1/2 hour yardwork

6.15 mon ran 6 miles +legweights

6.16 tue walked 3.5 miles

6.17 wed yardwork 1.5 hours

6.18 thur ran 6 miles

6.19 fri ran 6 miles

6.20 sat legweights off

6.21 sun ran 6 miles + armweights

6.22 mon ran 6 miles

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Bouncing up and down in the back of the pickup truck
I can see thru the haze in the distance
The shaddowy billows of transient existence
Carved in granite
In accidental imperfection

At first glance
They seem
so
Knowing

Saturday, June 6, 2009

the measuring stick
changes
over time
and ultimately
the meaning
of the
measurement
itself
means less
and
less

Sunday, May 10, 2009

far too little time
spent on the what is

and

too much time
spent on the what isnt

i like focusing
on
the what is
better

Sunday, May 3, 2009

2.17 tue ran 6 miles

2.18 wed off

2.19 thur ran 6 miles

2.20 fri off

2.21 sat ran 5 miles

2.22 sun off

2.23 mon ran 6 miles

2.24 tue off

2.25 wed ran 4.5 miles

2.26 thurs off

2.27 fri ran 6 miles

2.28 ran 6 miles

3.1 sun off

3.2 mon ran 6 miles

3.3 tue off

3.4 wed ran 6 miles

3.5 thur off

3.6 fri ran 6 miles

3.7 sat off

3.8 Sun Ran 6 Miles

3.9 Mon Off

3.10 Tue Ran 2 miles taper

3.11 Wed Off

3.12 Thur Ran 2 miles taper

3.13 Fri Off

3.14 Sat Off

3.15 Sun Ran 10 mile race 1:57:33

3.16 Mon Off

3.17 Tue Off

3.18 Wed Ran 2 miles

3.19 Thur Off

3.20 Fri Ran 4.5 Miles

3.21 Sat off

3.22 Sun Ran 6 Miles

3.23 Mon Off

3.24 Tue Ran 6 miles

3.25 Wed Off

3.26 Thur Ran 6 miles

3.27 Fri Ran 6 miles

3.28 Sat Off

3.29 Sunday Ran 6 miles

3.30 Monday off

3.31 Tuesday Ran 6 miles

4.1 Wednesday off

4.2 Thurs ran 6 miles

4.3 fri off

4.4 sat ran 7.5 miles in 82 mins

4.5 sun off

4.6 mon ran 5.25 miles super hot

4.7 tue ran 5 miles easy

4.8 wed off

4.9 thurs ran 6.2 super yumtastic run in lake mary

4.10 fri off

4.11 sat off

4.12 sun ran 6 miles

4.13 mon off

4.14 tue ran 4 miles super hot

4.15 wed off

4.16 thurs ran 6 miles superfast 66 mins

4.17 fri off

4.18 sat ran 6 miles

4.19 sun off

4.20 mon ran 4.5 miles

4.21 tue ran 6 miles beautiful early am

4.22 wed ran 6 miles eve

4.23 thur off

4.24 fri ran 6 miles

4.25 sat ran 6 miles

4.26 sun ran 9 miles

4.27 mon off

4.28 tue ran 4.25 miles

4.29 wed ran 7 miles

4.30 thur ran 7 miles

5.1 fri off

5.2 sat ran 6 miles

5.3 sun ran 6 miles

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

At our core
of no self
is the self
or so i heard

Friday, March 20, 2009

*This is going nowhere fast, and the connections have not yet fully been articulated, but this is my stream of conciousness. I think it is going to continue to go nowhere fast and like all poor writing, just meanders without really getting to the crux of it... but for now... this is where is my head is at

-----------------------------------



When the inspiration moves us ‘brightly,’ as Jerry Garcia would say, the whole paradigm shifts.

In my lifetime, there have been millions of people self governed by the ideation about what they should be doing. What car they should purchase, what job they should be pursuing, what schools their children should be going to, and the like. Yet all of these things are complete illusions based on false notions of expectation that have shaped our realities from day one.

The emotional investments we make in our dramas are much like the seeds we plant in the soil for future cultivation. Many of us think that we are planting orange seeds when in fact apples always grow. Some of us don’t feel like we are even on the farm, yet a growing season still exists each year. Others may feel that they are planting unworthy seeds only to have the harvest yield bountiful but unrecognizable fruits. In some sense, this repetitive process could be described as delusional but there can be no doubt about it that this has been our methodology for moving thru space and time.

In a sense, we are all habitual input machines. Inputs are stored in our CPUs and later accessed during recall sessions and critical decision making moments. It is our very habits that have been both the source of comfort in our routines as well as the fodder for an unexpected yield. Perhaps a closer look at our expectations might reveal something substantial about the world in which we navigate.

Where is the seed of the expectation? What is at the heart of every expectation is an emotional response. We are all looking in some ways for fulfillment and sometimes the pursuit of these expectations by others leave us with more questions than answers.

Perhaps Pavlov was correct and we are all dogs waiting for the bell to ring so that we can salivate on cue. What happens more often than perhaps we care to admit is that while our initial reaction is habituated, it is also predicated on false pretenses, because our expectations have collectively led to disappointment, discouragement, and doubt.

I do not know if disappointment, discouragement and doubt are things that we should avoid, but they seem like so many of the things that we actually do try to avoid. Yet, It is the very crux of disappointment, the face of discouragement, and the Bardo of doubt that truly and reflectively shapes our experience and future expectations.

We have the power to ‘light the song,’ yet we continually extinguish the flame before the song is ever played. Many of us are trying to listen for the secret and search for the sound but our listening itself is shaped by the expectations we have of the music not yet played.

Monday, February 16, 2009

12.15 mon ran 6 miles 66 mins hot n fast

12.16 tue ran 6 miles 72 mins

12.17 wed ran 6 miles slow 75 mins

12.18 thur ran 6 miles 67 mins fast could do more

12.19 fri ran 6 miles hot at 1030 am. 68 mins and struggled in 2nd half

12.20 sat ran 6 miles 69 mins

12.21 sun off

12.22 mon ran 2.25 miles sprint full speed- felt knee act weird, walked back 2.5 miles

12.23 tue ran 3 miles easy

12.24 wed ran 5 miles - no real pain 72 mins

12.25 thur ran 6 miles - 69 mins

12.26 fri ran 6 miles - 72 mins

12.27 sat ran 6 miles - 67 mins

12.28 sun ran 6 miles - 71 mins

12.29 mon ran 6 miles - 72 mins

12.30 tue walked 5.5 miles easy

12.31 wed ran 6 miles - 64 mins fast with no stops and no pushing it
ran 124 miles in december


1.1.09 thur ran 6 miles

1.2. fri ran 6 miles

1.3 sat ran 6 miles

1,4 sun off

1.5 mon ran 6 miles

1.6 tue ran 6 miles

1.7 wed walked 5 miles

1.8 thur ran 4.5 miles

1.9 fri off

1.10 sat ran 5 miles

1.11 sun ran 5 miles

1.12 mon ran 6 miles

1.13 tues ran 6 miles

1.14 wed off

1.15 thur off

1.16 fri jogged 1 mile

1.17 sat walked 3 miles, biked 3 miles

1.18 sun off

1.19 mon ran 2.5 miles

1.20 tue off

1.21 wed off

1.22 thur ran 2.5 miles

1.23 fri ran 3 miles

1.24 sat off

1.25 sun ran 3.5 miles

1.26 mon off

1.27 tue ran 4.5 miles

1.28 wed off

1.29 thur ran 3.5 miles

1.30 fri off

1.31 sat ran 3 miles

1.31 sun ran 4 miles

2.1 mon ran 3.5 miles

2.2 tues ran 4.5 miles

2.3 wed off

2.4 thur ran 6 miles

2.5 fri off

2.7 sat ran 6 miles

2.8 sun off

2.9 mon ran 6 miles

2.10 tues ran 6 miles

2.11 wed ran 4.5 miles

2.12 thur off

2.13 fri ran 6 miles

2.14 sat off

2.15 sun ran 6 miles

2.16 mon biked 7 miles

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

The exact moment change happens is almost imperceptible. I can sense that a paradigm shift is happening but that may only mean that it has already happened and I am simply just becoming aware of it. Either way, change is inevitable and a good thing.

Monday, December 22, 2008

Running is an intoxicating drug. When the flow hits the pavement, magic happens and everything else is suspended. Some say that I am running 'from' something and I sometimes think about what that might mean, but generally I just run and run and run.

The other morning I saw a few racoons in the area in which I normally see racoons and Im like nearly delierious at this point from the run and my mind is in that ... place... where there is space between the raindrops kind of space... anysay, so I start to think... 'hey... why cant I be more like the racoons - they arent thinking of any of this bullshit that is going on in my mind - they are just thinking about chilling and eating and safety. I think maybe there is something to be said for racoon-ness these days.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

saturday 8.9 rest

sunday 8.10 1st 5k race of season @ hwood beach - 32.28 - sucked. hot. no legs.

monday 8.11 3.2 miles very nice and easy at 715 in neighborhood

tuesday 8.12 walked/jogged ty park 2 full loops + 5 sprints upndownhill approx 5 miles

wed 8.13 4.5 miles @ beach early. awesome! + mowed 1 hour

thurs 8.14 mowed 1 hour + walked 2 mile loop at park

fri 8.15 ran easy 3 mi in hood @645 + biked 12.5 miles in 62 mins hard

sat 8.16 7 miles 84 mins the bomb! running at 5 at beach... easy... wonderful...lots of rests

sun 8.17 rest

mon 8.18 jumprope, crunches, leg weights and 40 mins walking at intervals

tue 8.19 jumprope 1000X + 5k run between storm bands. very slow and hot at 1030am

wed 8.20 ran 4 miles @ 530. hot and tired

thur 8.21 jumprope 1150X + crunches with medicine ball

fri 8.22 ran 3.5 @7am. felt really strong but hot

sat 8.23 ran wonderful 6.2 miles at 440 am. 74 mins awesome baby!

sun 8.24 mowed 2/3 of yard + edged (1.5 hr) + biked 11.25 hot hot hot

mon 8.25 ran 3.5 at 7am. strong

tue 8.26 ran 3 mi early but out of gas. need to rest

wed 8.27 early stroll of 3/4 mil + biked 13.67 miles and felt tired but really good ride

thurs 8.28 ran 3.5 miles very strong - avg 10mins/mi

fri 8.29 biked 12 miles

sat 8.30 ran 5.3 miles in 58 mins w/ negative second half split

sun 8.31 biked 14.5 miles in 1 1/2 hrs. mostly windy

Aug totals
biked 89.8 miles (approx)
ran 63.6 miles
walked 15 miles

mon 9.1 ran 5.25 at 645 am. hot + biked 9.5 miles hard into wind

tue 9.2 ran 1 mil. walked 1 mile

wednesday biked 14.75 miles

thurs 9.4 ran 4 miles at 5 am - supereasy and not tired in 41 mins + biked 18.3 miles

fri 9.5 biked 17.5 miles

sat 9.6 walked 5 mi

sun 9.7 ran 4 miles superchill and mowed for 1.5 hours

mon 9.8 mowed .5 hr + biked 20 miles!!! yes!

tues 9.9 stairmaster 20 mins + crunches +armweights

wed 9.10 walked 2 mi brisk

thurs 9.11 ran 5.5 miles

fri 9.12 biked 20 miles

sat 9.13 ran 4 miles

sun 9.14 biked 20 miles

mon 9.15 ran 4 miles, biked 7.5 miles

tues 9.16 ran 3.5 miles

wed 9.17 biked 11 miles

thurs 9.18 ran 5.75 miles early - awesome!

friday 9.19 biked 11 miles

sat 9.20 ran 3.5 miles

sun 9.21 biked 16 miles

mon 9.22 ran 3.5 miles

tue 9.23 ran 4 miles + eliptical 20 mins + legweights

wed 9.24 stairmaster 25 mins + armweights

thurs 9.25 ran 3.5 miles

fri 9.26 walked 8 miles disney

sat 9.27 ran 3 miles

sun 9.28 ran 4 miles

mon 9.29 stairmaster 25 mins + legweights

tues 9.30 ran 4.5 miles

wed 10.1 biked 13 miles

thurs 10.2 ran 4 miles easy

fri 10.3 biked 18 miles

sat 10.4 ran 4 miles

sun 10.5 ran 3.5 miles - walked 3 miles

mon 10.6 stairmaster and legweights

tue 10.7 ran 4.5 miles + armweights

wed 10.8 off

thur 10.9 ran 3.5 miles

fri 10.10 ran 3.5 miles

sat 10.11 off

sun 10.12 ran 3.5 miles

mon 10.13 ran in pa 3 miles, hiked 1 hour strenuous, walked all over

tues 10.14 off

wed 10.15 ran 3.5 miles

thurs 10.16 ran 4.5 miles

fri 10.17 easy walking 1 mile

sat 10.18 ran 4.5 miles

sun 10.19 mowed 1.5 hours

mon 10.20 ran 4.5 miles

tues 10.21 biked hard 30 mins/ 10 miles at gym

wed 10.22 ran 4.5 miles

thur 10.23 ran 3.25 miles

fri 10.24 ran 3.25 miles

sat 10.25 ran 4.5 miles

sun 10.26 ran 3 miles

mon 10.27 ran 4.5 miles

tue 10.28 ran 3.5 miles

wed/thur off

10.31 friday ran 3.5 miles

11.1 sat off

11.2 sun ran 3.1 miles

11.3 mon ran 3.0 miles

11.4 tue ran 3.5 miles

11.5 wed ran 4.5 miles

11.6 thur ran 3.5 miles

11.7 fri off

11.8 sat off

11.9 sun ran 3.25 miles

11.10 mon off

11.11 tues ran 3.5

11.12 wed off

11.13 thurs ran 4.5 miles

11.14 fri ran 3.25 miles

11.15 sat hiked 6 miles

11.16 sun off

11.17 mon ran 3.5

11.18 tue off

11.19 wed ran 3.5 miles

11.20 thur off

11.21 fri ran 4.5 miles

11.22 sat off

11.23 sun ran 4.5 miles

11.24 mon off

11.25 tue ran 4 miles

11.26 wed off

11.27 thur ran 4.5 miles

11.28 fri off

11.29 sat off

11.30 sun ran 4.5 miles

12.1 mon walked 6 miles

12.2 tue ran 3.5 miles

12.3 wed off

12.4 thur ran 4.5 miles

12.5 fri off

12.6 sat ran 6 miles - nice

12.7 sun off

12.8 mon ran 7 miles

12.9 tue off

12.10 wed ran 6.2 miles. easy

12.11 thur off

12.12 fri ran 9 miles early am. top 5

12.13 sat off

12.14 sun ran 6 miles. superslow 77 mins

Friday, August 8, 2008

sat 7.12

3 miles run
5 miles bike

sun 7.13
walk 6.5 miles

mon 7.14

4.5 miles run - 51 mins

tues 7.15
mowed - 1 hour

wed 7.16
mowed - 3 hours - hard
40 min walk

thurs 7.17
biked - 10.75 miles / 64 minutes - awesome!
walked 5.5 miles - carefree and could go more

fri 7.18
3.68 miles - 39 mins - hot and humid as shit at 445 am

sat 7.19 biked 12.5 miles super hot and very slow

tues 7.21 ran 3.2 miles @ 445am. getting over a cold and no real legs today

wed 7.23 ran 5.3 miles @ 615am. pack of milfs kept me going

thursday 7.24 mowed 2.25 hours. easy

sat 7.26 ran 2 miles -superhot at noon!

mon 7.28 ran 3 miles in 34 mins superhot 930 am. need to get out earlier!

tues 7.29 ran 4+ miles - running before 6am and beautiful sunrise. easy negative split

wed 7.30 - did full round of legweights first time long time. 55 crunches and 8.5 mi bike

thurs 7.31 ran 5.3 miles - 61 mins out before 5 am. beautiful!

july totals:
running- 34.6 miles
walking- 13.5 miles
biking- 46.75 miles

friday 8.1 biked 6 miles very very liesurely

sat 8.2 superhot ran at 10am 90+temp 2.64 miles

sun 8.3 ran 6.43 miles superearly. wowzer. +mowed 1.25 hours - hot and tired

mon 8.4 mowed 40 mins + walked 6 miles

tues 8.5 ran 4.2 miles at sunrise. easy 47 mins _ biked 14 miles

wed 8.6 did leg weights 30 min

thurs 8.7 ran 1 mil time trial walked first min then ran .94 in 7.41. +75 crunches+ walked 3.5 miles

friday 8.8 ran at ty park @745am - 2 full loops in 41 mins. maybe like 3.5 miles

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

after seeing my
children and my wife
safe
i realized that the
wreck that just happened
could have changed the future
and the
now
that truly left
an
indelible spot
in my mind

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

struggling is really a foolish thing to do
but
my mind continually leads me down the same path
i wrestle awkwardly
with the process

Thursday, June 26, 2008

crashing into the sand
waves finally reach the land
carrying a wealth of memories
awakened with new thoughts
and drowning in you

time stops
but oceans do not sleep
tides continue to creep
longing is not the answer

ebb and flow of thoughts
washed away and forgotten

empty mirrors reflect the sea
shoreline's mist not what it appears to be
twilight is uncertain in every moment

Sunday, May 25, 2008

the frenzy surrounding the hype right now while maybe being only minimally noted by amateur journalists is both real and palpable. this week a wave of optimism and opportunity seems to be sweeping gently over my rolling, transient landscape and alot of shapeshifting seems to have resulted. at least in the paradigm anyway, but fuck it, who really cares.

Sunday, May 18, 2008

the risk of redundancy is always everpresent when you havent written in a while and at the same time, a mere glance backwards usually reveals that your writing is possibly only a glimspe of some transient long forgotten feeling that you just had to hold on to for just one more moment

what i have learned this week is that the universe is really an immensely magical place. much of our detriments lie inside of our skulls and it is nice sometimes not to have to function with lock down status and instead just functioning on cool breeze status. even without the illusion of being imprisoned, we are still imprisoned in some deeper transformative inhibiting way.

that being said, i suppose it is time to say goodbye to lethargy and hello to cultured optimism. im not trying to be all smarmy or gawker-ish about the whole thing but sometimes the method of being coy is revealing enough

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

i have really tried to take the time this week to acknowledge several things that seem to be going on internally for some time. i think that posting them makes me somewhat accountable to my thoughts

1. i am very busy with lots of obligations that keep me going
1.5 it is long overdue to pay reverence to that concept

2. i have been taking more time lately for me. instead of running from things, i have begun walking towards them and warmly embracing these things as my friends.

3. to be awake and aware is a special gift that cannot be wasted or ignored or even longed for